Once again, it’s the end of the college year and everyone will flee Sydney, some just for the summer, some permanently. Rather than be all miserable about that fact, I wanted to explore a thought I’ve had about people leaving.
The usual ‘consolation’ people come back with when you complain about people leaving is, “Well, now you have friends all over the world!” That’s a nice thought… but it’s not the best feeling to have hundreds of friends around the world and none in your neighbourhood to call and hang out with. Believe me, I know this scenario all too well!
The thing about long-distance friendships is that they become ‘catch up’ friendships by default, unless deliberate, conscious effort is made. A ‘catch up’ friendship is what happens when you’re not directly involved in each other’s lives – no matter how often you touch base, you’re always catching up on what has taken place since the last rendez-vous. You’re no longer doing life together. You’re spectators on each others’ lives.
Why is this distinction important? When you’re doing life with people, they see who you are. They know your character first-hand. They’re in a position to speak into your life and give you insights to yourself that can help you move forward. You’re doing the journey of life together, helping when the going gets tough, there to celebrate the wins. The trap that we fall into in ‘catch up friendships’ is that all we think to share is what we’re doing with ourselves at the moment, and recently significant events. The sad truth is that a friendship is built upon sharing the little details of life together, not just our occupation and significant milestones. In the case of some geographically-challenged relationships, you say that you ‘can pick up just where you left off’ with someone. To achieve this requires a significant shared history and mutual knowledge of each other, and I suspect this is more rare than we would like to believe.
To all my friends who are leaving Sydney: I am going to miss you like crazy. I will miss doing the everyday mundane things with you, the things that become so entertaining with a touch of randomness. I will miss all those things that are simply impossible in a friendship that spans thousands of miles. Let’s try to avoid the almost-inevitable ‘just calling to catch up’ – let’s try to stay so connected that we’re still doing life together to some degree, not just spectating.